Cruising craigslist for prospective housing in Ocean City in case I get this job. I can’t drive to work when it’s three hours away. I see this fucker:

Semi-retired businessman seeks young woman to share home. Enjoy the benefits of being married without the formality of doing so. No charge for room and board, have use of nice car, all expenses, all needs considered, eat out most evenings…in essence, married…but better…

Understood that you would not have a current boyfriend, no plans for doing so, willing to settle into an affluent lifestyle in a managamous relationship with the gentleman.

Serious inquiries only, please no scams or cam girls need apply. If you sincerely would benefit from this arrangement only send photo and description of your current living situation and how this might help you or what your plans are, and how I might help.

Sounds legit, right?